I was in the library today exploring some additional literature on my Loving Kindness Meditation writing project. I came across a book with a rather promising title, Be Nobody by Lama Marut. Marut's thesis is that much of the suffering in today's affluent societies relates to trying very hard to be a special or unique identity. It is as though one's survival somehow depended upon being special, different or in some ways indispensable. And Marut also describes how the source of depression is this endless struggle to overcome a fear of mediocrity: again, a modern bugbear,the 'curse' of being so average as to be somehow anonymous and indistinguishable from others. Marut cites Madonna as an example of someone who has achieved great success in the music industry, but is ironically driven by the need to avoid 'mediocrity''. Marut poignantly remarks:
The idea of a 'special self' one wishes to construct through accomplishment tends always to outstrip the reality, leaving one feeling incomplete, inadequate, and continually running to try to catch up." (p.14)
Marut suggests letting go of the shallower accomplishments one strives for in favor of a deeper self that is often embraced in religious and spiritual traditions. But I also wonder, why is it that successful people find it so hard to simply enjoy their own success? Could it be that the striving to be successful is addictive in itself, and overshadows a gratitude toward what we have?
The example I want to use is that of someone who suffers from a defective product or a broken good. Let's say you scratch a piece of furniture you have, or cause a serious dent in something like a car. Your immediate reaction might be to say that the car or whatever it is has been 'damaged' and you might even scramble to get it repaired or, in the worst case, replaced. But then you can stop and wonder: is it so damaged that it no longer functions the way it is meant to function? Can I still use it? Can it get me through the week? Working with broken or damaged things can be an interesting hobby, and it might teach people a certain gratitude for the way things function in spite of circumstances. A computer may look like a piece of junk when it's been around for a long time, has accumulated dust, and may be outmoded compared to the latest product, but it still might happen to work. The same goes with bodies. I remember watching a movie recently where one of the characters uses the term 'stupid good health' to refer to the tenacity of the human body to withstand even the most challenging pressures or diseases. One's body can be dysfunctional in some ways, but is it ever completely so? Could one re-frame the experience in a way that honors what is still doing its function. This is to say that there is much more that is working than 'not working', yet one often focuses only on what appears defective or deviant from the norm,
I am suggesting that the "root" problem that Marut describes might not necessarily be in addiction to accomplishment or to a sense of self. It's possible that addiction to self masks a deeper inability to enjoy our experiences as they are using a gratitude perspective. If we are unable to get what we desire, we can still re-frame what we have as offering many advantages. It is 're-imagining the real', in other words, in order to see the real with all its advantages. Over time, we get used to having so many things conveniently at our disposal, but what happens when we see these advantages for the first time, and are able to enjoy them as though we were just given their unique advantages? And could the simple gratitude of enjoying all of our advantages in this moment be a way to 'be nobody' and enjoy it?
Marut, Lama ( 2014 ) Be Nobody. New York: Atria
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