An Awake Dream

  During the Thursday evening meditation tonight, we talked about the question of how practitioners can be aware of the mind even when they are sleeping or dreaming. And the theme came up that everything we do is part of a waking dream. No matter how well a person can read the signs within a dream or come up with brilliant interpretations, the dream is still a dream nonetheless. Knowing that the worlds we create are dreams, we can loosen our grip on wanting to 'get the dream right' or have a kind of brilliant interpretation on what is happening within that dream. In fact, there are no absolutes, from this perspective.
    I find that when my mind is tense or focussed excessively on getting what it wants, there is a tendency to get caught up in a particular want or desire. It almost becomes as though that 'thing' is going to complete my being. I use the example of wanting to read a particular book because I read a good review of it. Sometimes, I will see the book in the library or book store, and a thought will emerge in my mind. I will think, "this book is going to help me with x", or "I am so fascinated to learn about this subject". Later on, when I actually do pick up the book and start to read it, a completely different set of impressions arises: sometimes boredom, sometimes fascination, sometimes the completely unexpected. I might find myself having satisfied my curiosity long before the actual book is finished. Why does the actual 'reading' of the book differ from my initial feelings regarding the book? It's because my first impression of the book was only a thought in mind. If I idealize or over-romanticize that impression, I can gently remind myself that it is really just that: an impression.
   Without this understanding that experiences are passing, I will get caught up in this illusory idea that there is something out there  that magically 'completes' me-whether it be a way to enlightenment, or a formula, or a book. It is as though I am continually trying to look for an underlying 'real' world that vindicates the present messy world in which I inhabit. But actually, the true world and the inhabited mess are one and the same. The only difference is that I am seeing it as a mess because I am connecting the thought with another thought that projects an ideal onto the previous thought. And I keep doing this until tension and frustration arise in mind and create all sorts of tensions in the body.
   Truly, if I am emerging from meditation practice with the idea that I didn't do well enough, am I not thereby feeding into this illusory idea that there is a 'second' world to awaken to? In fact, all worlds are just endless dreams enfolded within each other and intermingling.