Seeing Equally

 The bus was so crowded today, though luckily it was a stretchy type bus. I decide to enjoy the thrill of the 'stretchy' part of the bus by gripping the handrails in this area and bracing myself for the buses' sharp turns. It's perhaps not the best way to take care of my spine, but may be a good core exercise in its own right. And I stood in front of a girl who was wearing earphones, though I could clearly hear the music coming out of its tiny buds. With not much room to take out a book and read, my mind struggles to find a place to roost. I start to recite Loving Kindness Meditation to calm my mind.
 
 "May I be well, happy and peaceful"
   "May my loved one be well, happy and peaceful"
   "May my family be well, happy and peaceful"
   "May all the people on this bus be well, happy and peaceful"
    "May my colleagues be well, happy and peaceful"
   "May all the beings in the city be well, happy and peaceful,"
   "May all beings in the country be well, happy and peaceful"
   "May all beings on the planet be well, happy and peaceful"
   "May all beings everywhere be well, happy and peaceful"


And as I recited these lines, I started to see all the people on the bus in an equal way, from the perspective of equanimity. I started to glimpse in some way that everyone is similar in the way that they are all going to a destination, all wanting things to go well and on time, and all have some loved one to whom to come home, or perhaps at least would like as such. I started to realize that universality of being human, of wanting pretty much the same things that all humans want. This reassured me. I suppose it helped me to let go of a nagging sense of dissatisfaction of not wanting to be in that situation. I had a glimpse of where my real problems and challenges lay, which is in a grasping mental attitude.

Why is it hard for me to do this? Just to stop my wheels for a while and contemplate the universality of life, its striving, its mutual suffering? I don't know the reason.. I have a suspicion that it's because of the three poisons: the greed of wanting more, the aversion to having less, and the obliviousness to what's in front of me. But the deeper reason is that I always want to fill spaces with things to be done. What if there is nothing in particular to be done? What would it be like to breathe into that space of 'neither doing nor non-doing', just following the function of the moment without desiring the 'more'? It's just something for me to reflect on. The best love is the love of what's here, regardless of whether it's pleasant or unpleasant. Why? Because the  love of the present is indestructible. Nobody can take you away from this moment. So perhaps the meaning of these verses 'well, happy and peaceful' is to wish all sentient beings to stop spinning in their own wheels, slow down, and love exactly what is in this time, without trying to fill every 'time' with new things.

A tough lesson! But it's practice.