The writer Colin Wilson once described a situation in which he had felt as though he had been terribly lost, only to find later on after asking for directions that he was not as lost as he had originally thought. He coined this experience "St. Neot's Margin" after the town in which he had been situated, to explain the sense of relief that he felt in that moment, after being somewhat disoriented. Wilson describes in his book The Outsider how he tried to find a psychological practice or principle that would allow him to always maintain the sense of 'relief' or even 'gratitude', in situations where such is not even necessarily called for. But I don't think that Wilson had quite found the practice that would do so, even though he studied a lot of Gurdieff's philosophy, as well as Ouspensky. Both of these philosophers seemed to be trying to use meditative practices as ways to further human evolution, or to obtain different kinds of experiences than the 'norm'. And I was even recently informed that psychologists are still very much interested in using meditation to reach 'peak' experiences. I still wonder whether there is any value in an experience that is only fleeting at times. And I wonder, what does it mean if someone simply cannot achieve such an experience?
From my own experience, the reason that the 'relief' from a problematic experience doesn't last is that..it is soon followed by another problematic experience. It seems to be the nature of things that there will be some difficulties or falling away from expectations. Situations are much too complex and conditioned for something to always run smoothly. From the Chan perspective, students are told not to cling to their meditative experiences, even 'good ones'. I think this is because as soon as I even slightly cling to the feeling of relief, I create vexation by wanting to keep it there forever. It is truly difficult, if not impossible, to keep an experience forever. Even if one gets what she wants in life, does this mean that she will feel the same way all the time? It's hardly the case in most situations. So I have found that it's a good practice not to get too excited when things happen to go well in a given moment. I believe that Master Sheng Yen even compares such a good experience to taking money from one's own bank account. Rejoicing in merits that one happens to have obtained is probably a bit redundant. But of course, people will naturally feel good when things are unexpectedly smooth.
In spite of its problematic aspects, I still think there is a value in Colin Wilson's writing and observations. It's important that people somehow learn to enjoy the simple fortunes in their life, almost as though it were a free gift or a respite from something that could be potentially worse. It is a pity when people are surrounded by good food and available resources, yet cannot really taste the food or know that it is conveniently there. Yet, without a sense of simple enjoyment of the present moment, it's hard to enjoy what is there. On the other hand, reading about the Thailand monks who are engaged in social /environmental activism, I am made aware that it is hard to practice anything if a person is struggling to feed their family or make ends meet. Perhaps the meaning of hardship is that it sensitizes people both to the simple joys and also the precariousness of life: the fact that those joys are fragile and can easily be taken away from someone, can only arouse compassion in someone.
Wilson, Colin (1956), The Outsider. London: Gollancz.
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