Nondecision

  I found recently that I am experimenting with the idea of not deciding, or trying to decide too quickly on something that requires a decision. This state of being I call 'non-decision', as distinguished from 'indecision', to refer to a space where there is openness simply not to make any decision at all. I find it interesting that such a term as 'non-decision' has not found its way into a dictionary, yet 'indecision' has done so. I think that it suggests how the culture privileges the idea of making a decision, yet laments an 'inability' to do so, or even pathologizes the inability to decide. Meanwhile, the idea of not choosing at all has hardly any currency in the language, even as a kind of negative statement.
    How is it possible to suspend the process of deciding to do something without foreclosing the possibility of deciding at a later time? It is not an easy process, I have found, when many aspects of social and work life seem to encourage a quick responding to situations. In those moments, there is a push to decide that is somehow added on top of my process of trying to weigh the pros and cons of doing something. Because the push carries the weight that I need to decide right away, I tend to lose my ability to process the information and arrive at a more naturally available set of options. Meditative practice comes close to creating the space to not decide at all, but to wait and be patient with an unfolding process. But, how is this done in a work situation, when there is a push to have a response right away?
    In my own practice, I have found that it's important to distinguish the sensation of urgency from an actual urgent situation that requires response. The fact that something needs responding to does not mean that one has to have a sensation of urgency in the body. For example, some people naturally seem to respond to emergencies in a calm way which allows them to know what to do and when to do so. The sensation of urgency, on the contrary, seems to be separate from actual urgency. It is almost a kind of anxiety which nervously looks back at the self to see if it is doing things in the 'right way', according to outside protocols. I have found that when I confuse the sensation of urgency for actual urgency, my body will deliberately tense, as though the tension were somehow required to get the job done or accomplish the given task. But, looking at the examples of calm people under stressful situations...do they need to feel anxious or tense in order to respond to an emerging situation? Often, they don't feel this way at all. Rather, there is only the need to respond, which is not a felt sense of having to do something right away.
    In reality, there really isn't any need to respond to anything out of the sensation of urgency. When things need doing, there are ways of responding to it that just come from a natural state of reflection. If I constantly worry about whether "I" am doing the right thing, I am already focused on self-image and far away from the doing itself.
    I can't say that I have been successful in averting the sensation of urgency when things need accomplishing or when I don't know how to do something. But what I tried to practice recently is attempting to wait for a time when my thoughts have settled, before I come to any conclusion about a good path to take. The settling part might consist in doing some menial task wholeheartedly, as a way of settling the mind, before engaging in a more reflective or intellectual process of deciding.  I found that when I have these moments of resting the mind, the sensation of urgency goes away and I am able to address the urgency in a more calm and clear standpoint.