Mind-Created Prisons

 Every so often, if I am overwhelmed with challenges in work life or in general, I will almost long for a kind of escape to somewhere else. It might feel a bit like when a person in a prison for a very long time suddenly sees a small gleam of sunlight through a crack in the window. Such a person gets ecstatic at the first opportunity to 'escape' from prison. But actually, the biggest prison is the one created by mind.
   Usually, if my mind is having difficulty, it's because I have made a judgment about how I am supposed to function in the world. For example, if I am at a meeting and I am inwardly pressuring myself to say something brilliant or profound, I am only creating pressure within myself. In that moment, I could easily choose to allow the situation to unfold without pressuring myself to do or be anything. But my mind creates a kind of prison around that desire to 'be someone' or accomplish something great. Of course, in order to survive, it seems one has to be productive. But more often than not, the pressure I put on myself far exceeds what is required to get things done. Nobody in that moment has the power to pressure me. Only attaching to certain thoughts and  expectations does so.
    People often craft all sorts of ways to imprison themselves. One example happens a lot with spiritual practitioners I have met. I have found that many Buddhists or other spiritual practitioners often challenge themselves by trying to 'bear' any and everything, in order to 'test' their spiritual abilities. I have this same tendency at times. For example, a practitioner who has difficulty dealing with noise would rather challenge herself to bear the noise than alleviate it. She might even open all the windows in her room to test how well she can meditate with all the sounds happening. What happens here is a subtle pressure is created in mind. The practitioner or spiritual learner will say something like, "I need to bear this in order to prove that I have a refined, cultivated awareness." Or, "I need to be able to withstand a tough situation in order to lessen my attachment." In a sense, there is a grain of truth to this, but it creates a subtle goal-seeking. Underneath it is a desire to achieve something in order to know that one is okay.
     There are other mind-created prisons as well, such as excessive self-blame or criticism. I know for myself that I sometimes feel a need to criticize myself harshly 'ahead of time' or as a preventative measure, so that others don't do so. But this practice eventually leads to too much mental tension, and a need to escape from that. If I am too hard on myself, I only increase the amount of inner stress or muscular tension, which then causes even everyday situations to seem very difficult and even painful. So I need to continually ask myself: is this criticism perhaps going farther than where it needs to go? Do I really need to 'push myself harder', or is this only my voice telling me to do so out of insecurity?
     I believe if we let go of all views of self, then everything will be 'okay', even when we happen to fail the tests we create for ourselves. But this okay-ness doesn't mean that people do nothing when they face challenges or difficulties. It means that whatever one does gently accords with one's own conditions and where one is. A person who just started to meditate does not go on a ten day pilgrimage to a retreat center. Maybe they could do that, but it probably might make them sick from meditating. Rather, a person simply knows how to treat themselves so that what happens does not give rise to an inner resistance. This seems to require a skill in just being alert and observing one's reactions without trying to push oneself in a direction not conducive to present circumstances. It takes a while to know how much challenge one can accept, but only moment-to-moment awareness can do so. I have to adjust continually both my expectations and my actions, to make sure I am harmonizing with the conditions. But this also requires a relaxed mindset that is not so quick to 'know' or to 'judge' what is best.