Occasionally, I find an article that has such a beautiful sense of presence, which I want to share with others. This one article I found in a book called Spirited Practices: Spirituality and the Helping Professions is by a man named Giles Barton, and the article is called "Buddhism, mental illness and loss" (pp.92-99). Barton's article focuses on the Buddhist principles he has found helpful in alleviating the suffering of depressed and suicidal youths with whom he has worked.
This particular article stands out from all the rest because I felt calm when reading it. From the start, this article shows a kind and loving presence, when it begins: "Open the door of your heart and soften to whatever is in the present moment, with acceptance rather than blame, anger or criticism; let go of trying to change or escape the circumstances, Theravadin monk and meditation teacher Ajahn Brahm encourages. From this point the confusion of our minds and the overwhelming emotions that arise can begin to be understood and calmed." (p.92) Here, it turns out that Barton is paraphrasing Ajahn Brahm, but the way he paraphrases it is compelling nonetheless. And as I was reading this section, I wondered, what is the real heart of this acceptance that Giles Barton talks about?
I think a clue to this question is to look at what Barton is saying in this text. He exhorts readers to open the door of their hearts and soften to what is in the present moment. This point, however, is not the same as being resigned to the moment, or steeling one's will to the moment either. People who suffer from depression or sadness often say they ''accept" things, but their emotional state deteriorates at that point. The reason is that their kind of 'acceptance' is a resigned one, almost as though one is up against a wall and forced to accept what is happening to them. So what would 'acceptance' mean? Softening and 'opening up the heart' evoke something quite different from resignation. I think it's important to distinguish 'soft' from 'resigned' acceptance, lest the Buddhist teaching of acceptance become a form of suppressing one's emotions and soft spots.
From my understanding of Barton's article, I think 'soft acceptance' means creating a space where one can simply be with whoever one is, in whatever circumstances one is in at the moment. This means leaving room to allow things to be as they are. As Barton remarks, "In meditation removing the arrow of mental suffering is achieved by being open and accepting what you find as you sit to meditate, not by finding fault with the situation and wishing for something better to come along." (p.94) It also entails loosening the sense of self so that one is not blaming her or himself for illnesses or other personal issues that are often beyond a person's control.
In order to clarify what 'opening the door to the heart' means, Barton remarks: "When trying to help young people understand, I ask them what they would do if someone were talking to their best friend in a harsh way. To follow this up, I ask what stops them from being their own best friend, since they need someone on their side if no one else is around." (p.98). I think this is the key point in the article, and it's what distinguishes soft from 'resigned' acceptance. Without a good relationship to oneself, it becomes quite difficult to avoid self-criticism, much less buffer against the difficulties of emotional hardship or pain.
As I read this article, I reflected on how difficult it must be for many people to experience the total acceptance that might come from meditative practice. I think the reason is that what we try to accept is often a 'reality' loaded with internal scripts, many of which say that we are not good enough to survive in the world, or not 'this' enough, or 'that' enough. Much of it is rooted in this tendency to separate 'me' as 'my body', rather than seeing the totality of all things as part of mind. Many if not all these 'inner scripts' are just thoughts or impressions, yet they can be powerful enough to seem incredibly real. Accepting these unconscious scripts is not the same as the kind of acceptance that Barton is describing. A best friend can come close to offering that acceptance, because best friends are often not hampered by the internal scripts inside one's memory. But if one has these internal scripts, it certainly colors what they see, to the point where 'just accepting things as they are' can mean accepting the terrible self-judgments that one has. For this reason, Barton's skilful means of asking his young clients to imagine themselves in the eyes of a best friend, can be a very effective one...and worth implementing if one is caught up in challenging self-views.
Barton, Giles (2007), "Buddhism, Mental Illness and Loss". In Spirited Practices: Spirituality and the Helping Professions. (Ed Gale, F., Bolzan, N., McRae-McMahon, D.) Crows Nest: Allen Unwin.
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