doing and refraining

During the meditation today, there was a lot of noise coming from outside the quiet room, where people were having some kind of a party or gathering. I slowly came into my practice, and eventually started to see all the noise as just a process coming into mind. I do not need to pick and choose certain elements or project any dramatic element to the noise itself. Nor do I even need to do anything in particular with any of the elements that are happening or coming up. Of course, there were moments when thoughts would come up regarding what could happen, but that is all part of a process, and I don’t even need to privilege the ‘I wish’ thoughts over the ‘this is what is happening’ thoughts. In the second part of the meditation, the instructor asked us not to even think that we are meditating at all, but to simply allow whatever we are to be what it is. Since my mind had been calmed up to that point, I was able to better observe myself with curiosity, rather than labelling my desires in terms of good or not good.

I am reflecting, in retrospect, on that tricky moment during the practice when the thought came to my mind, “I really need to be doing something to make the environment better for the participants.” I think it’s tricky, because it relates to who I am really addressing when I say “I need to do this” or “I need to change this”, In that moment, am I really able to know what others’ needs  are? And is the thought pointing to true need, or is it really just a desire for quiet that masquerades as a ‘need’? I have often encountered students in particular who are asking whether meditation is able to help people achieve goals or take action on things if it somehow advocates an attitude of acceptance. Many students equate acceptance with passivity, and they express a caution toward meditation in the sense that they find acceptance to negatively affect their ability to take actions or change conditions around them.

It seems that in this situation, any action is okay as long as it does not distinguish self from others in such a hard edged way. If I am treating phenomena as a part of the mind’s experience, I won’t be so harsh to that experience. Being harsh would be similar to me having a scary thought and scaring myself with the thought at the same time. It wouldn’t make sense to divide oneself in this way. But does this mean that people just do nothing and let phenomena ‘be’? Not necessarily. It could be that some things could be done to accommodate all the phenomena, or at least making sure that nobody needs to control a situation or dominate others in doing so. I think there needs to be a process where I am comfortable enough to know that the thoughts are coming from mind, nothing more, and that any result of interactions would not be detrimental in any way. In other words, it is okay to try to make changes, but doing so requires that one knows the mind source of all changes. If I don’t see that, I will invariably start trying to control phenomena to suit the ideal image I have of myself and ‘my’ world. This takes the form of insisting that things go one way, or not being happy if they don’t. If I can accept the outcome no matter whether my suggestions are implemented or not, then I know I am ready to suggest the change. Otherwise, it may be the chance for me to practice trying to find the true source of all the phenomena and experiences.