Sunday, January 13, 2019
Saturday, January 12, 2019
A Long Walk in the Cold
After the introductory meditation class tonight, I decided to take a jaunt in the cold, from Finch station to home. I reflected on my course materials and what I would like to do with my final assignment. It was nice to be able to sort things out, even though here are quite a few things to iron out in the process.
As someone who relishes words as a form of self-assurance (or even empowerment), there are times when unspeakable confusion feels very bad to me. I have tried to balance two poles, which could be described as sun and moon, but which represents two different ways of looking at life: one that is very structured, and one confused and de-centered somewhat. But it's important to stay with confusion for a while rather than trying to put all that confusion into words.
Can too much confusion be "bad"? Well, I think it's important to be grounded in the moment and not to become depressed or despairing about confusion. It's very simple: if one is perplexed about what they are doing, studying, feeling, and so on, they simply need to step away from the computer or the desk, and go for a long walk in the cold. Such kinds of things can help to re-energize the mind and prepare oneself for what lies ahead. But at the same time, it's important not to make the "walk into the cold" a kind of escape. There's the balance, I think, between going into a moment to revitalize and going there to get away altogether from the difficulties of decisions, thoughts, problems, and so on. I am reflecting on the importance of knowing when that long walk is escape and when it is engaging the problems of life constructively.
As someone who relishes words as a form of self-assurance (or even empowerment), there are times when unspeakable confusion feels very bad to me. I have tried to balance two poles, which could be described as sun and moon, but which represents two different ways of looking at life: one that is very structured, and one confused and de-centered somewhat. But it's important to stay with confusion for a while rather than trying to put all that confusion into words.
Can too much confusion be "bad"? Well, I think it's important to be grounded in the moment and not to become depressed or despairing about confusion. It's very simple: if one is perplexed about what they are doing, studying, feeling, and so on, they simply need to step away from the computer or the desk, and go for a long walk in the cold. Such kinds of things can help to re-energize the mind and prepare oneself for what lies ahead. But at the same time, it's important not to make the "walk into the cold" a kind of escape. There's the balance, I think, between going into a moment to revitalize and going there to get away altogether from the difficulties of decisions, thoughts, problems, and so on. I am reflecting on the importance of knowing when that long walk is escape and when it is engaging the problems of life constructively.
Friday, January 11, 2019
From Searching For, to Building Meaning
The world is becoming busier and more complex. In these situations,it's a good idea to find out what's happening in your life, and to make peace in your heart. This sounds very sappy, but if one thinks about it, only they can really affirm their own existence as meaningful in the world. And through that process of affirming meaning, one can also begin to see life--any kind of life, in fact---as a valid building of meaning.
Now why did I change the metaphor from "search" (a common one) to that of building meaning? It's because more and more, I am starting to see how narratives affect the way we can function in the world and understand how the world works. Even the idea of "how the world works' is a construction, and there is no end to that sense of constructing the world. But to know that one's meaning is constantly created is to be vulnerable to uncertainty: who knows where that sense of meaning is going to come from next? All we can guarantee is that we will be kind to ourselves and offer something that is unconditional, no matter what spaces one inhabits in life.
The other reason for the shift to building meaning is that it places the onus on me to build and foster a sense of meaning. I think this is quite valuable because trying to tell someone else that they are the arbiter of my worth or value is my decision, not the other person's choice.
Now why did I change the metaphor from "search" (a common one) to that of building meaning? It's because more and more, I am starting to see how narratives affect the way we can function in the world and understand how the world works. Even the idea of "how the world works' is a construction, and there is no end to that sense of constructing the world. But to know that one's meaning is constantly created is to be vulnerable to uncertainty: who knows where that sense of meaning is going to come from next? All we can guarantee is that we will be kind to ourselves and offer something that is unconditional, no matter what spaces one inhabits in life.
The other reason for the shift to building meaning is that it places the onus on me to build and foster a sense of meaning. I think this is quite valuable because trying to tell someone else that they are the arbiter of my worth or value is my decision, not the other person's choice.
Thursday, January 10, 2019
Finding Inner Meaning
There is a time to be humble but also there is a time to find one's own confidence within. This is one of the ideas I was having tonight after meditation class. Not entirely a spectacular narrative, but I have come to realize that too much humility might often be deep down inside a desire to be "propped up" or supported by someone else, when in reality, it's possible to be one's own support in positive ways that are realistic and reflective of a person's abilities. Some of this is "common sense" for some, but it's quite good to check in from time to time and realize that only one's own soul can validate their life and reason for being.
This "confidence" I am talking about has nothing at all to do with one's accomplishments, since those accomplishments are fleeting and even a bit relative. I am talking more about the ability and trust that one can find a meaning in the journey of their life. Even if that journey is full of uncertainty or even pain, there is some capacity deep in the individual to frame it in a meaningful way that is not dependent on the approval or validation of colleagues and so on. It's important to simply realize that this is the case, and then to actively practice it in some way.
This "confidence" I am talking about has nothing at all to do with one's accomplishments, since those accomplishments are fleeting and even a bit relative. I am talking more about the ability and trust that one can find a meaning in the journey of their life. Even if that journey is full of uncertainty or even pain, there is some capacity deep in the individual to frame it in a meaningful way that is not dependent on the approval or validation of colleagues and so on. It's important to simply realize that this is the case, and then to actively practice it in some way.
Wednesday, January 9, 2019
Too Tight/Too Loose?
During the Wednesday introductory meditation session today, we talked about the importance of not taking the breathing method as something to hold onto too tightly. Really and truly, it's only a method for being aware, and it's even in the "recognizing one has lost awareness of the breath" that one feels a certain kind of joy.
There is often a discourse in meditation that goes back to the Buddha's idea of stringing the lyre: one's practice is neither "too tight" nor "too loose". But I have begun to wonder recently, can the metaphor of the lyre go too far in the sense of literally dividing the mind between two opposites? The problem with metaphors of "balance" or "in between" is that there really turns out not to be any absolute "middle" at all. The Middle Path does not necessarily even entail a kind of middle point, and it's certainly not a point on a graph. In Surangama Sutra, Buddha even repudiates Ananda's view that the mind is somehow situated in the "middle" of one's body and the outside world, by saying, "where exactly is this 'middle'? Even from a geographical perspective, what seems "middle" to one person in one country is not the middle in another country. Again, the idea of a middle between two extremes can seem deceptively simple, but it's not so easy to apply.
I think that meditation practice is coming to mean learning how to lose, both literally and metaphorically. What, though, to lose? It's to lose the attachment to self, and to trying to "be" anything for the sake of the self. If I am coming into the practice with a specific achievement orientation or even a poor relationship to my body, it will show in the meditation. And if that happens, there is no reason to feel bad at all, because the self-grasping that leads to tension is also just phenomena that one can be aware of: none of it is inherent to a person.
There is often a discourse in meditation that goes back to the Buddha's idea of stringing the lyre: one's practice is neither "too tight" nor "too loose". But I have begun to wonder recently, can the metaphor of the lyre go too far in the sense of literally dividing the mind between two opposites? The problem with metaphors of "balance" or "in between" is that there really turns out not to be any absolute "middle" at all. The Middle Path does not necessarily even entail a kind of middle point, and it's certainly not a point on a graph. In Surangama Sutra, Buddha even repudiates Ananda's view that the mind is somehow situated in the "middle" of one's body and the outside world, by saying, "where exactly is this 'middle'? Even from a geographical perspective, what seems "middle" to one person in one country is not the middle in another country. Again, the idea of a middle between two extremes can seem deceptively simple, but it's not so easy to apply.
I think that meditation practice is coming to mean learning how to lose, both literally and metaphorically. What, though, to lose? It's to lose the attachment to self, and to trying to "be" anything for the sake of the self. If I am coming into the practice with a specific achievement orientation or even a poor relationship to my body, it will show in the meditation. And if that happens, there is no reason to feel bad at all, because the self-grasping that leads to tension is also just phenomena that one can be aware of: none of it is inherent to a person.
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