I believe that the kind of isolation I experience at this time might be a training in what it might feel like to let go when one dies. I have had many experiences of online disconnections-either due to faulty technology, or not knowing how to troubleshoot Zoom to get the microphone to work. Such kinds of situations have tried me a great deal, and make me realize how fragile human connection and living is. When I am stuck with a problem and my livelihood depends on it getting solved, how do I deal with it on my own? When social life is fairly integrated, it's hard to find that many situations where one is left entirely on their own, but I think that the situation now requires more patience with times of not knowing, especially when the technologies I have are very slow.
Disconnection may be an experience of either greater resilience,or perhaps a letting go of the illusion of ultimate resilience. I have a hard time straddling the middle path between these two binaries. For sure, being strong is something that crises encourage people to do, but there are times when the idea that I could do everything on my own or become self-sufficient starts to wear around the edges. This is really to say that there never was any time when I could do anything without the support of other beings, and even being left alone by myself to tinker with a slow network connection is a testament to this
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