Unsettled

  The older I get, the less I seem to mind the notion of being mentally or emotionally "unsettled". This might be an unsettling conclusion to start with, especially when people tend to think of aging as a process of "settling". In fact, the metaphor of "sedimentation", a process common in geology, comes to mind as I write these words. Just as layers of sand and mud tend to aggregate and settle into predictable grooves, eventually turning to rock, one would expect that one's thoughts and habits would do the same over time.
   I prefer the idea of being a little bit unsettled: not sure about who I am, not sure which identities are "mine", and not settled in one direction in life. This sounds nightmarish to some, but I think it's a dedication to a critical and thoughtful life that one would not take any easy path of "this is me", or "this is the final goal", but rather to think that each part of life is a piece on a learning journey that doesn't end. Why do I think this is a good way? I think it's a good way because it is the way one's heart remains open to others and does not ever think that it knows everything, or even anything for that matter. This is the key to continually challenging the illusion of a concrete self that is never changing, static, and has nothing more to learn or to do.
  That having been said, I would qualify this remark by saying that not all learning is verbal, comes from books, or even comes from having degrees or achieving concrete goals that are socially sanctioned or prized. Sometimes this learning is more like an inner maturity that happens over time and space through a process of atonement with things and memories. But nonetheless the principle is the same to always be on the lookout for new ideas and discoveries, and to be humble in the face of what isn't known.