Pressures to Succeed

 Even in meditative settings, it's surprising to learn that there is a pressure to "succeed" or to progress in meditation in ways that feel authentically like a series of stages. I have been learning recently how meditation unearth's unconscious "success" scripts, or the ways that we believe we are progressing in anything--not just a spiritual practice but in life generally. In all of our group practices, we have tried to emphasize the importance of awareness without force: a need to simply know what's happening in mind while seeing that they are about as insubstantial as clouds. Even the most pervasive dream (or nightmare) that comes to mind is fleeting and circumstantial: it comes from the exigencies of the moment, rather than being a permanent fixture in one's personality. Why is one's success or failure in meditative practice based on the relative view of phenomena?
   I also try to extend the success mindset to everyday life. Any time we want something, we frame it as an achievement to gain it, a failure to lose it, and dissatisfaction with our present circumstances when it is not attained now. These three dynamics create desire, aversion and ignorance (the three kleshas). In the state of craving, one imagines that the desired state will bring lasting happiness, so one starts to crave it. In the state of aversion, I don't want to lose or see myself as someone who is striving for success yet humiliated by circumstances. With "ignorance" comes the ingratitude I show toward the things that are in front of me: when I am focused on one way of being, I am not able to see what's in front of me.
   This model also suggests that every desire creates a subtle subjectivity: a sense of someone being either a success, a failure, or a "nobody". I found that it's important to be aware of what subject emerges from desire. I have noticed that when I am able to accept the fact that my identity is not equipped to always succeed (ie I have both strengths and failings), I have found that I am less anxious about success or acquiring things I want. Why is that? It's because every desire has a hidden narrative of worth or lack of worth. It is as though I have been pressured to always succeed in living up to what I want, by earning it, or by proving myself worthy of it. But what would happen if I totally accepted the fact that I cannot always succeed: that success is relative not just to my current capacities but also to the circumstances of the moment? This creates a more realistic space for me to reflect on my wants without internalizing a sense of failure. It would sometimes be helpful for me to even practice imagining being rejected or proven ineligible for things I want (such as earning a degree) as a way of critically reflecting on whether this rejection is really going to "kill" me, or even affects me fundamentally. Reflecting this way might mitigate the anxieties that are often associated with wants, and might also get people to reflect on the difference between want and need.