Fear and Irritation

 I have observed in myself that behind irritation is a kind of fear. There is a strong desire to avoid as well as a belief that I must avoid a situation. If I "breathe into" the situation itself and know that I am able to sustain the irritation with a big heart and mind, then the fear subsides. And there is this creative energy that is left over to do and create things.
   I think that when a person goes through the entire experience, an expansiveness can occur. But it's too easy to cut off that experience in favour of reactivity. This is partly because of the society in which one lives, where the emphasis is on maintaining one's rights and dignity, which sometimes amounts to avoiding discomfort at all costs. Staying with painful emotions is all the more difficult because we are often pressured into asserting our own individuality, under the belief that not doing so will make us into doormats. This is a kind of social ethic which can promote healthy boundaries but also a somewhat toxic or unhealthy belief that everything must go one's way.
   What if not "saving face" were somehow okay, and I didn't really need to preserve any personal image of myself in all situations? What if I simply relax into what is happening to me, rather than trying to assert this impermanent self? I think it's worthwhile to challenge the notion that irritation must be met with a kind of self-assertion.