Gratitude Continued..

I think that from reading Kerry Howells' book on gratitude and education, I get a sense that indeed, our notions of gratitude tend to be bit solipsistic. If I say "I am grateful to have a job, to have so and so friends, to be successful" and so on, the object of that gratitude is actually this kind of self: the sense of "I" am comfortable, or I have what I need to feel good about myself. But, as Howells suggests in her book, genuine gratitude is really at a kind of special intersection between a giver and a receiver. What this means is that my feeling of gratitude comes from the ability to contribute or to connect with another, without an expectation of personal gain or a reward.
   In this sense, gratitude strikes me as being more of a commitment than it is a feeling of special gain. For instance, the gratitude I feel toward my job consists in how I am able to give something to the company again and again: a kind of commitment that comes through a regular dedication and unwavering loyalty to my job. Sometimes it doesn't always feel good to me, but I have reached a point where it doesn't matter how it feels to me; it is more the ability to connect and contribute that becomes the hub of that grateful connection. For me, this gratitude actually consists in the feeling that I am able to give, thanks to whoever is receiving what I am giving. And all at once, that flips the relationship of giver and receiver, so that the giver actually receives a special privilege as giver.
   In Buddhism, there is a tradition of thanking the recipient of one's gifts or time for the ability to allow the giver to give, and thus practice buddhadharma. Are there similar equivalents in education? I would have to say so, because a teacher's ability to give is also dependent in some way on students' ability to receive the teacher's care. In that sense, the teacher is as indebted to student as is vice versa. Gratitude thus operates in a kind of inter-connection of giving and receiving, where both parties serve both to give and receive. Even though I may appear to be offering myself in giving to someone else, I am freely being offered the ability to be of service to the other. My ability to serve is as much a gift to me as it is to someone else, if not more so.
   This may sound like a moot point, but when I frame the practice of care and giving in light of the theory of gratitude as stated above, I no longer consider myself as having privileges as a result of giving. It's really up to the receiver who accepts my gift (or not), so I no longer have this sense of entitlement based on how much I see myself as the giver. In other words, no matter how much I give or think I give, I am not entitled to receive anything from the other, since my free offerings depend on their (the receiver's) fee offerings. This allows me to give with less desire or expectation, much less a sense of entitlement as to what I think I deserve from others. And that can be very freeing for me.

Howells, K. (2012). Gratitude in Education: A Radical View. Boston: Sense Publishers