Agitated thoughts

   Today was a bit of an agitating day for me: some stress at work, followed by a busy commute on a late and very crowded bus, on the way to group meditation. By the time I had arrived at the centre to set up the cushions and video for the evening sharing, I already noticed myself being in a very agitated state. I felt like one of those glass ornaments with the snow inside, that had been shaken once too many times...! But nonetheless, here I was in a position to try to calm myself before starting the meditation, yet knowing that I was not really going to be calm at all, at least not at the beginning.
    When I was guiding the meditation and doing the practice tonight, I started to realize how much this agitation I was experiencing actually 'grounded' me in the moment. How is that possible, you may wonder? Shouldn't agitation be the enemy of calm mind? Actually, not really, because in fact it's the agitation in our lives which reminds us that we need to get out of thinking we are our own thoughts. If everything is so comfortable and serene that one can just enjoy thoughts on their patio while blowing soap bubbles, then one is never motivated to quite get out from one's thoughts: in fact, in an ideal state of being, many people fall in love with their thoughts and become enamoured with the illusion of stability which comes from thinking. It's only when one becomes extremely busy with painful thoughts that one becomes truly motivated to meditate! In fact, it's then that meditation starts to make sense as an alternative to the busy-ness of one's thinking.
   One of the participants in the group sitting mentioned that she had difficulty really settling in the practice, this being her first time at the meditation session. She referred to how she had to keep coming back to the awareness of breath many times after falling away into wandering thoughts. But I mentioned that in fact, this is the miracle and joy of meditation itself. In a sense, one often doesn't even realize that she or he is thinking, let alone returning to her or his breath. In this sense, one only need trust that the practice itself will lead to a calm mind, and one needn't obsess over looking for a perfect 'static' state of mind.