Going Beyond Gain and Loss

      I was reflecting on the following paradox this morning: a person might reflect that in order to gain something, they need to lose something else. On the other hand, if a person tries to lose everything, including one's self and values, the gained 'end' can become valueless because there is no longer a self that esteems the goal as valuable. It seems that that tricky part of gain and loss is that there needs to be a mind that gains and loses. How is it possible to even speak of losing oneself when there is a particular mind that is gaining and losing?
     Another way of looking at this is that in order to comfortably lose, one must have faith in a deeper and more enduring being. If a person prematurely gives up everything in the hopes of gaining something in return, they commit themselves to a kind of nihilism. Ironically,  this kind of premature giving up ends up isolating oneself, rather than revealing the interconnection of self and all things. It also only reinforces that self which wants to be in control in the first place. A more relaxed approach might be to clearly prioritize one's needs in order to discern what can be given up to live a simpler life with others. Community is maintained not by irresponsibly giving up what one needs to thrive there, but in acting from a place of frugality of desire. To try to 'lose' one's responsibilities in order to gain a deeper wisdom or selfhood is only reinforcing a strong ego attachment. What wisdom could possibly lie beyond responsibility to community, work, friends, family, etc.? Yet a lot of spiritual groups might focus too much on transcending interconnection.
     I believe that there needs to be a place for a person to stand in order to clarify one's beliefs and make sure they are on the path of responsibility, both to self and others. Reflective writing may be a good way to do this, and I have found that keeping a blog helps me to clarify in language what I often can only vaguely apprehend using my inner reflections alone (or, as we sometimes say, 'wandering thoughts'). Writing can also be a grounding practice of consolidating what one feels to be true, given the many bits of data or opinions we are exposed to from day to day.
    I also think it's important to remind myself not to expect anything from others, or from a given situation, but to kind of give every situation a space to naturally breathe and be itself. If I am constantly trying to direct what I say or do into these transcribed inner 'goals', I will be much too restrained in my behavior and unable to flexibly accommodate change or new information. There's a balance to be maintained here: not getting too swamped or losing focus in details, but also not rigidly adhering to strict agenda or schedules.