How Did I Sit Today?

How did I sit today...and yesterday?
I ask myself with my tongue-tied and eyes-crossed
How did I sit on the cushion today?

A hundred thoughts crossed through the mind
and I judged myself for having them
and calculated how much I stand to gain and lose

A thousand black flies played with my nose
Taunting and tempting me to swat them clear
Reminding me that life stops for nobody

Ten thousand doubts sashayed and zig-zagged
Doubts about who I am to myself, to others,
And Who is saying this stuff anyway?

So what could I do today that is right, except
To let this moment completely reveal itself
And not confuse anything in it for the real self

So what could I do today to serve things well, except
Allow my feelings to completely confound me?
And know that they will do so, for such is their nature

Just as the nature of flies is to tickle our noses
So these feelings are there, daring me to live
And respect anything that moves, breathes, gives

Not distractions, not dangers,  not things to kill
These feelings seem like the waves that make an ocean rise and fall
Built into the flowing nature of water itself

What shame is there to be in this muck of feelings
When feelings are just as much a form of mind
As the riddles I try to solve, and the languages I try to speak

What value is there for me to 'be' like a statue
When feelings teach me how connected I am
Thus showing a deeper reality than what meets the senses

So how did I sit today?
What did sitting reveal?
And to whom is it revealed?

How did I sit today?
How do I feel?
Who is the miracle who feels?