Signs of...

     Sometimes, when a person has to make a big decision in life, the expectation is that something out there will tell that person what is the best path to take. For example, just recently, I was at a little store in Chinatown when I saw a kind of magnetic compass that lands on different 'answers' depending on the question you frame to it. The answers possible are "yes", "no", "no way", "double no way", etc. When I was a teenager, I even experimented with this notion by purchasing an eight-ball that flashed little answers on its base. Sometimes, I would not be happy with the answer I received, so I would keep testing the ball until it became peeved with me and gave me random answers. I then moved on to the I Ching as another way of figuring out what works best for me in the future.
     Having a clear answer is always a comforting thing, but I have found over time that the situations and choices one has are often complex. The I Ching is actually a very deep text that shows the complex rhythms of decisions, while respecting that the forces at play are always rising and perishing over time. Nothing is ever the 'absolute ruler' in the I Ching, and forces co-exist with one another rather than giving way to one dominating force. There isn't always a clear answer in this form of looking at the future. I wonder if perhaps my wish to consult it at times reflects a longing for the a simple time when I could sometimes just be happy with a decision and not have doubts about it.
    I am thinking of future education and courses, and one thing that struck me in retrospect is that decisions aren't as catastrophic (or glamorous) as I make them out to be. For example, I have rarely had what is called an 'epiphany moment' where I clearly and unequivocally 'knew' that some decision or plan or action would be The One that would guarantee me eternal salvation (or at least the ability to pay rent). More often, decisions just sort of happen, and I find myself going with the conditions that are most conducive to what I have learned so far. If I try to totally transform myself while disregarding my shortcomings or my current challenges, I would end up making some decision that I might later regret.
     If anything, I think that decisions could be seen as cause and conditions that are subject to change at any time. I make decisions based on what seems best for me and those around me, but none of this is to say that I will not make other decisions to adjust or refine the previous one. Decisions only bring about more potential learning situations. In this respect, I find it hard to imagine these days that there will be some 'sign' telling me that one decision is the right one, while the other is not. It seems much more complicated, and I would rather entertain as many possibilities as I can before I make the decision. Even when I am certain that I will not be comfortable to take certain lines of action, seeing as many choices as possible is a way to help me be open to possibilities I could not have imagined in the past.