Studying Afflictions

             On the second Friday evening of each month, we gather together with books and cups of tea. The room is surrounded by Buddhist books, and we sit together on soft chairs, books splayed in front of us, and trying to decipher the meaning of our teacher (Shifu’s) words. What does it say about our families, our relationships, or our loved ones? Why do we spend time together here, trying to make sense of the writings? What do people literally take home with them after coming to such a discussion?

            In one of the chapters in Chan and Enlightenment called “Chan and Mental Health” Master Sheng Yen talked about the importance of knowing one’s state of mind as a way of dealing with conflicts or difficulties/ And one person in the group had mentioned how hard it is to truly apply this concept in daily life. I think the reason is that normally, we take people to be separate from the mind. What I see tends to be ‘out there’, and I am not able to check in with the sensations I am experiencing at the time I form impressions. Even before I can see that I am afflicted already, I already see people and things around me as separate from me. In that way, I try to seek some pleasant experience for myself and avoid something that is unpleasant. From this experience of self/other, I start to desire. I want to control a certain experience or have things go a certain way.Of course, by the time all of that gets rolling, it seems too late to go back and calm the mind. That is because I am already caught up in the notion that I have to ‘go back’ to something that has always been there, in every experience.

         In fact, as Master Sheng Yen notes, one does not need to go back to some original source of peace ‘here’ as opposed to out there. Rather, it is the actual awareness of affliction that already brings us back to original awareness. The awareness of affliction is the actual way beyond it. Here is what is written in Chan and Enlightenment:

           When affliction arises in us, we should reflect on its source. By doing so, the affliction in     question will tehn diminish relatively. When we realizethat we are afflicted by craving, then its magnitude will naturally lessen. When anger afflicts you, if you can sit back, reflect, and become aware that you are angry—so angry that you feel utter pain—then ask yourself, “Why am I asking for suffering and looking for trouble?” Then your agony or hatred will be alleviated.Look into your mind as the source of your affliction rather instead of looking outwards at the environment (p.209)

 I think what this passage means is that I need to look deeply into not just the source of the affliction, but also its necessity. Looking at the source, I can see that all those emotions are coming to mind; they are not environmentally induced. One can see that in the different ways that people can respond to the exact same situation. But there is also the added question, “why do I have this suffering?” This is interesting, because I observe in myself how I often use the same negative thought over and over almost as if to punish myself. What Shifu is saying is that it is myself presenting myself with that thought, not anyone else. If I can see that I am the creator of those thoughts, then a lot of my emotions around those thoughts can diminish, because having these emotions would almost be like hiding something from myself, and then becoming upset for hiding it and forgetting where it is hidden.

 I agree with the practitioner that it takes a lot of practice  to apply this principle. But in a sense, there  is nothing we need to undo, as long as we know that even the vexed thought is just our own thought. I can be as upset as I want to be, and there is nothing in mind to tell me otherwise or to prohibit me from doing so. But as soon as I realize that there is really no necessity to be upset, then I can be at peace with it, whether I choose to be upset or not. I think the suffering comes from the false belief that I am forced to be upset, through either my own making or someone else’s/ Actually, if I realize it as a choice, I no longer need be afflicted by it. Realizing it as choice does not mean controlling the mind or thoughts. It means knowing that the thoughts are all of mind, and they are equal. The happy thought is not any more special or different from the sad or the angry thought. But because of the added view that these emotions ‘force’ me to be a certain way, I split myself in two and resent the emotion. The practice is about letting go of the splitting altogether and not preferring one emotion to the other.

Sheng Yen, (2014) Chan and Enlightenment. New York, NY: Dharma Drum Publishing