Soul Batteries

 

            During the Buddhist Study class today, the Venerables, Chang Chu and Chang Yuen, explored the Six Paramitas with us. I seemed to have been particularly inspired by this class. I came away with the feeling that Buddhism can potentially uplift the spirit. I facetiously call this ‘soul battery recharge’, when in fact there is no such concept as a soul in Buddhism. But I refer to it more as a feeling of uplift that comes from making a vow.

            One thing that really struck me about the talk is the importance of making vows for others. I explored this idea that Chan Buddhism does not have to be about attaining some special state of mind, such as enlightenment, or even trying to gain something for myself. In the beginning, when I heard about the notion of putting others before me, I felt a bit overwhelmed and heavy. I looked around all the faces, familiar and unfamiliar, and started to wonder ‘where do I start?’ And it felt overexerting, as I tried to make eye-contact with everyone, or think of what to say to people if I were to contact them. Of course, this is a very naïve interpretation of what it means to make a vow for all beings, but I was trying to use a kind of empty beginner’s mind to inquire into this way of being.

            I had a chance to speak with Venerable Chang Chu about this dilemma. I asked him: when I see the sea of people, where do I start? How do I stop myself from being overwhelmed by all the people who might need my help? Venerable told me that it’s important to know what feels most comfortable to me in the moment, and work with the people to whom I have some affinity first. Only when my heart is really matured through serving of others might I be able to start to expand that vow to all beings. It doesn’t mean that I only stay with some people I like, but it means that I try to work with existing affinities to practice serving other beings. I practice doing something for the sake of others (not myself) in the simpler situations of having an existing connection with someone. In this way, the task of making a vow for all beings is a bit less overwhelming, and there is an applied component to it.

            A lot of what the Venerables talked about in this class had me thinking about my concerns over motivation in schools. Other entries I have written describe the conflicts I feel about extrinsic/intrinsic motivation, and the tensions between these two forces. I asked Venerable Chang Chu, how important is it for volunteers to compare themselves or look up to other volunteers as exemplars? I have once heard that it might be healthy to compare oneself to, or even imitate, someone else in terms of their ability to practice calm or concentration.  The Venerable’s answer was quite interesting to me. His answer is that it depends on what ways we are looking toward others. If, for example, I compare myself to others in terms of ‘better’ or ‘worse’, then this gives rise to a lot of vexations, and I end up creating needless competition. Not only this, but the desire to be the best person only gives rise to more vexation, once I do satisfy the ‘top’ position (however arbitrary that happens to be). The Venerable offered an alternative that strikes me as very useful to practice. He mentioned the idea of thinking of people as individuals from whom we can learn, rather than in terms of a vertical hierarchy. If, for example, I am able to see that someone else’s difference is reflecting both our distinct qualities, then I am no longer in competition to be higher up than that person. Even if the other were to receive a promotion over me, it wouldn’t diminish my value or my experiences. Looking at things relatively rather than as absolutes would also help in this area. By seeing phenomena in a relativistic way, I no longer even feel that gaining something is a gain for the mind, or losing something is a loss for mind.

            My residual concern has more to do with this motivation business. In my heart, I sometimes do wonder exactly what the motivation us to practice giving toward others, or putting others before myself. The society in which we live is quite focused on the idea of getting ahead, establishing a personal legitimacy in the world, and gaining personal credentials such as degrees and other accolades to add to one’s resume.. In the midst of that mad scramble to legitimate one’s time and energies, it can be hard to take on the notion of putting all other beings first. The Venerables offered many examples of what this could be, such as the realization that what we do always has a karmic consequence, over at least three lifetimes. In other words, there are laws operating in the universe that do acknowledge people’s intentions, not just rewarding people like a kind of cosmic candy dispenser.

            For me, I think that there needs to be a method that allows the mind to be calm and aware, and not to cling to thoughts or impressions. Chanting vows with a sincere effort behind the words might be a good place to start, at least to reconceive one’s heart. Without that method, I can’t see any sustainable motivation for altruism that isn’t somehow self-serving. That is because even when one is trying to be good, all too often it relates to an external motivation.

            But I also think that one has to have faith to know that one’s deepest heart has all beings in mind. It is hard to access that space, and reciting vows is one way for me to create that open space of possibility. It also involves stepping outside the way that I have conditioned myself to thinking that there is such as thing as ‘falling behind’ or ‘being on top’, rather than simply appreciating that all beings have intrinsic worth and value.